Wouldn’t it be great if we could manage the people we report to? Tell them exactly what we think and give them a taste of how hard it can be to work for them?
Unfortunately, chances are we wouldn’t get the results we dream about. Bosses can have just as much emotional power over us as a parent, so it’s important to develop a reasonable working relationship.
Remember this: You don’t get to manage your boss; you only get to manage how you react/interact with the boss. In other words, you really only have control over yourself and your own actions, not those of someone else.
Try these techniques if your relationship is less than ideal:
Be civil, even if it kills you
- Remember, being civil helps you have a better life – you’re doing it for your own well-being, not for the boss.
- Try a mantra: “I want to be part of a workplace where people are civil and respectful of each other” – then be first in line to practice it. This means not planning a counter-attack against your boss or discussing what you think of them with your coworkers for hours on end. It solves nothing.
- Energy psychology theory tells us everything we do emits either positive or negative energy. We either raise the vibrations of the energy level or lower them. Vibrations of negative energy bring everybody down, so work towards contributing positive vibrations only. (We all know at least one person who seems to zap the energy from a room – make sure that person isn’t you.)
Look at the whole picture
- Try to understand the reasons for the boss’ behavior – are they stressed because of major responsibilities? Even the most reasonable person can react in negative ways when the pressure’s on. Are you contributing to the overall stress or helping to relieve it?
- If they’re chronically hostile or abusive, never “normal,” even when there isn’t any workplace stress, seek advice from a mentor or HR professional. Remember – you always have a choice. If you are indeed the subject of anger and abuse, you don’t need to take it. But take mature, sensible approach to resolving the situation, don’t mirror their behavior.
Handle situations with style
- Try not to respond to your boss’ anger. Remember: In any transaction, the person who is most sane has the most responsibility for the outcome. If you feel yourself getting irritated at your boss because of their anger at you, do not speak/express it – it’s like waving a red flag at them if you react. Instead, try this technique:
- Listen to them, keep quiet, and say “I want to think about this, I’d like a few minutes to answer you. And later: “Here’s how I see things” and calmly state your point of view. Say you weren’t comfortable with the way you were spoken to and remember to always use the “I” word and not the accusatory “You” word – “I felt upset” rather than “you made me feel upset.”
- Propose a solution to help avoid similar issues in the future: “If you can let me know each morning what you see as the top priority for the day, I’m sure I can have it done when you need it.” (Just because your boss might not take this approach, doesn’t mean you can’t frame things in a helpful positive manner – creating an atmosphere for problem resolution.)
- Never take on more work than you know you can accomplish, but be ready to outline other tasks that prevent you from accepting a new one. If the boss insists, ask her/him to look at your list and help determine which other jobs he’d like you to postpone while you tackle the new assignment. (Chances are that none can be put off, which reinforces the point that you can’t fit in any more if he wants things to get accomplished.)
Thought for the Day
Your real boss is the one who walks around under your hat. – Napoleon Hill