Each January, an army of New Year warriors sets out to change their world. They resolve to lose weight, pay off debts, spend more time with family, find a new job, quit smoking/drinking/gambling/favourite vice and stroke off an item or two from a bucket list.
By mid-February, many trod back to home base, dejected and discouraged when one by one, their attempts to make major changes fail.
Why do we put ourselves through this torture? When we genuinely want to improve our lot in life, making a resolution to change for the better seems a logical step towards success. If it was that simple, then we’d all be a picture of health and happiness by now.
In real life, deciding to do something and actually doing it are two separate things.
Consider the frogs
Three frogs sit on a log. One frog decides to jump off. How many frogs are left on the log? If you’re like most people, your response is “two, since one jumped off.” The correct answer – and lesson – is that all three frogs are still on the log. One simply decided to jump off; there was no mention of him actually making the leap.
Deciding to lose ten pounds does not make it happen. The action needed to achieve this goal is just as important as the goal itself. The same philosophy applies to getting out of debt, quitting smoking, jumping off your log or any other changes you plan to make this year. Write down the steps you’re going to take; the actions that will get you to your goal. The smaller the steps, the better, if permanent results are important to you.
The main thing is to keep moving, slowly but surely, towards the desired result. Why does a slow approach work better? Let’s face it, the condition you want to change didn’t happen overnight, so be kind to yourself and take action one step at a time. Something as simple as cutting back on the amount of sugar you add to your coffee in small increments over a few weeks, is easier to digest than throwing out sugar bowl and declaring to the world that white death will never pass your lips again. You might last until 4 pm when you slump over your desk. Reducing the amount you absorb by small quantities over time gives your system a chance to assimilate the change. This approach works for most resolutions, if you still insist on making them.
Try this different approach to making resolutions
Make a list of everything you did last year than was good/satisfying/rewarding. Consider the reasons they were positive experiences. For example, if you feel you built a stronger relationship with your in-laws, think about how that happened. Perhaps you went out of your way to be more patient and helpful. Maybe you made a conscious effort to see their viewpoint about child rearing and kept your mouth shut when unsolicited advice was offered. These are skills you can build into other areas of your life as well.
If you got a great performance review last year, how did you accomplish that? Was it through hard effort plus being creative and engaged at work? Maybe you quit the gossip mill and supported the changes that took place. The important thing here is to identify positive habits, behaviours and actions that resulted in positive outcomes.
Concentrating on practicing these same habits, behaviours and actions will help you continue your winning streak over this next year.
Give yourself a pat on the back and soldier on into 2012…