When your mind takes you where the buses don’t run
It’s 3 a.m. and you’ve been awake half the night worrying about bills, relationships, children, jobs and “what if” worst-case scenarios. The more we worry, the more our minds travel to uncharted territory, where big worries reign supreme and it seems as if there’s no way out.
Some worries spur us to take action and prevent problems; others build until we feel paralyzed and trapped, with no solution in sight. Excessive worrying is a habit that can be tamed – with practice. Here are a few ways to retrain your brain and lessen the worry factor.
Don’t tell yourself to stop worrying
Stop worrying! It sounds logical, but rarely works. It’s almost impossible to not mull over something we’ve decided not to dwell on. (Try not to think about the double negative in the last sentence, for example.) The more we attempt to suppress worries or ignore them, the more often they come back to visit and the bigger they grow.
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow. – Swedish Proverb
Make a date with your worries
When a worry bogs you down, interrupt it by scheduling a time to review it later on. Tell all your worries you can devote some time to them at a 3:45 pm or whenever convenient. Jot down a list as worries occur during the day. Remind yourself you’ve set aside time to tackle them later and use your energy to get on with the rest of your day. This approach helps train us to postpone jumping every time a worry rears its ugly head. Keep your appointment, but come prepared for the meeting with your list.
A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work.
– John Lubbock
Classify your list
Worries come in two different categories: Things you can control and things you can’t.
Review your list and identify which worries may be unrealistic, caused by catastrophic thinking or are just plain unlikely to ever happen. Most “what if” scenarios tend to be unrealistic, for example. Figure out which ones could be lessened by some action on your part: ask for an extension on a deadline, apologize for a wrong doing on your part; make a workable debt reduction budget – you get the idea.
You can’t wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time.
– Pat Schroeder
Recognize when you’re powerless
Negative news, rumours, and fear- mongering can be overwhelming and leave us with a sense of dread. The trick here is to accept that there is uncertainty in the world and we, as humans, are unable to control everything, as much as we try. We can’t predict exactly what’s going to occur tomorrow, no matter how much effort we extend.
Accept you might feel frightened about uncertainty and – this one can be hard – give yourself permission to have those feelings. Act as an observer to your thoughts and without judging, notice how you feel physically, what mental process you follow when worried and the results. By becoming aware of patterns we open up the possibility of changing them.
For peace of mind, resign as General Manager of the universe. – Author Unknown
Put away the crystal ball
Most worries focus on the future, but rather than propel us forward, can keep us stuck in the past. By changing our focus to what we can deal with today, rather than spending time predicting the unknown, we can retrain our thought process to minimize unhealthy preoccupation. “Living in the moment” may at first seem like an unrealistic goal for the chronic worrier, but offers great benefits. A simple meditation period, practiced every day, can help accomplish this state of mind.
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.
– Leo Buscaglia